We tell stories

missing what I never really had.

2009-06-04T02:02:00.001-07:00

He talked about a woman he knew just moments before, it was in the kitchen. She said somewhere far away, she missed what she never really had. It summed him up like a pair of nicely fit jeans.
When he turned around she was there, just pixels and light thinking his thoughts for him around the same time.
It made him feel better or worse, less alone or more. He was lonely far inside himself, on the shelf where he kept his most secret feelings (its somewhere through his middle, near the stomach) the place he can breathe to if he tries really hard or not at all.
He stared at the pixels and light and guessed he would feel like that at least for the rest of the evening, it had been months already.

We Want YOU

2009-03-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

Fantasy job application: You are a recently graduated, articulate, and creative person with both visual flair and an eye for detail. We want you to join our small team of brilliant geniuses who get paid unfeasibly large amounts of money to sit around and do arty stuff and engage in witty banter. You will need good interpersonal skills, the ability to drink your own weight in alcohol, and a fairly rounded knowledge of the last few centuries of interesting stuff. Work begins immediately. BYO dressing gown and easy chair.

I wish...

2009-02-03T04:21:00.000-08:00

...I'd had this diary in 2005. It would have comforted me during some pretty dark days.

Tension

2008-12-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

He felt bigger than he could fit. Like it was bursting out the sides. So he wrote a letter to his therapist 15966 kilometers away.
Response pending...

look what popular culture has done to them.

2008-12-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

I am totally amazed by that little girl in the front. who raised these wolfes?

Heaps of icy poles

2008-11-17T04:26:00.000-08:00

I recently mentioned the influx of Asian students in Melbourne to a friend in England, my exact words being 'yeah, there are heaps of Asians in Melbourne now'. I got a distinctly blank look in response. Apparently 'heaps'is not something the Brits say, and neither for that matter is 'icy pole', which prompted childish sniggering every time the words passed my lips.

Optimism

2008-10-23T03:21:00.000-07:00

no comment

2008-10-13T18:20:00.001-07:00

Passport

2008-09-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

Losing a passport is a painful thing. Losing all perspective after losing a passport is even more painful. After a 3-day anxiety binge, I finally have my emergency proof of existence, and will hopefully be greeted with open arms by the people of the United States of America. Thank God for helpful Mexicans! I have renewed faith in humanity, but not quite yet in bureaucracy.

bring this on, too

2008-09-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

BRING IT ON

2008-09-17T19:53:00.001-07:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

sailing into the sunset wish

2008-09-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

feelings soaring high come down crashing

what goes up will come down

and around and around it goes

time just keeps on rolling

and sometimes i wish it could just stop

stop and be still

enough of this roller-coaster

how about some peaceful sailing for a change?

my story ended on crutches.

2008-09-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

I was filming for 24h Berlin on friday. It was more that I made sure that the filming went alright, getting rid of any possible obstacle to keep the camera rolling. All of a sudden, I turned into my own obstacle. or, more precisely, it was the stairs. Only two or three steps but it hurt. A lot. The story of somebody else was over for me, I got pushed back into my own one. and, a little later, I got pushed to the x-ray department in a wheel-chair. It was all so weird, so very very weird that I had nothing better to do than laugh. I laughed all evening until I faced those 78 steps that I needed to be walked up. I managed. Over the last two days, I watched 6 DVDs, and, most bizarrely, my real doc was playing a doc in a film that I watched. life is a strange thiiiiii-i--i--ing.

some things that make me laugh..or smile

2008-09-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

like sh...!

2008-08-23T03:53:00.000-07:00

my phone asked me "how are you today" when I switched it on this morning. do your really, really wanna know, phone?, I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

Procrastination is just a form of perfection

2008-08-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/light/perfectionism.php

-- i feel much perfecter now --

Pina coladas

2008-08-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

I recently found myself strangely touched by this late '70s single, which has the distinction of being the only song in the US to reach number one in 2 decades. I had never really listened to the lyrics before, which are more troubled than the breezy tune suggests.

It's an almost unbearably poignant tale, opening with a domestic scene of bored lovers, unfolding into a couple of adulterous verses as our narrator organises a rendez-vous via the personal columns, and finishes with a killer twist - he's cheating on his wife with... his wife! Years of miscommunication and resentment are swept away as each realises how great the other really is, and their passion is rekindled. If only they'd talked about tacky cocktails and midnight romps a little earlier.

The song gave me a strange sort of renewal of faith - low culture does get me high sometimes. If only every soft rock classic had this sort of emotional punch.

singing hearts

2008-08-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

maybe and perhaps

2008-08-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I met up with a friend of Helen. Gwen. She told me that one day, a few years back, she and Helen walked around Helmholtzplatz while visiting Berlin. That was my hood, and the idea fascinated me that we might have crossed paths a long time ago.

I saw my housemate's ex, F. the other day. F. had a tough day after his boss revealed to him his lust. He doesnt feel anything for his boss. He told me the story over a beer, how difficult it is when someone you know feels something for you and you cannot return those feelings. You are stuck in a shit situation once you know. F. also told me that he had a similiar thing happening to him a few years ago, when his neighbor-turned-friend confessed to him her love. The friendship broke over the fact that he could not feel the same for her.

5 years ago, my friend M. was flying high on butterflies. She was in love. Finally again. But it was a desperate love affair, as the person she had all those feelings for was not interested in her, not interested in girls. She was in love nevertheless and I was concerned. And although she knew, she told him. He was her neighbor, they had shared lots of dinners together, lots of talks. It was over from that day, for a long while. She was heart-broken and moved out just a few weeks later.

Maybe, we walked past each other, somewhere along Raumer Straße and briefly looked at each other. Maybe they stopped to ask: „excuse me, could you help us find Senefelder Platz“. They also could have caught that pingpong ball that I wasn't able to get, and I said „thank you“ when they passed it back to me. Maybe and perhaps. It is all possible.

I found more proof today for weird things that are so possible. My friend U. and I had a coffee and cake (mine was called "Claire" --- they had "Donna Summer" there too!!!...) at the cafe just opposite the NBKG gallery. We sit there and talk and eat and drink, when, suddenly I see that guy who makes coffee at arcadia (?) on gertrude street. I keep seeing Melbourne faces all the time and was just about to wipe off that thought, but my mouth spoke out his name. It was him. He joined us and I was very very confused.